Putting my trust in the hands of others – apparently my Achilles heel

This post is going to be a little different to those others released so far. Instead of relying on research, it is going to be more of a reflection on my own experience through this process and how I think it is impacting my ability to proceed both in the Creative Challenge as part of my MBA, but also which achieving more diverse aspirations throughout other areas of my life.

Why is trust relevant?

My ability (or perhaps more accurately, inability) to trust others is a significant modifier on the way I go about my life. This leads to a bit of a convoluted cascade of self talk that results in me not necessarily getting all the outcomes that I would otherwise be able to achieve. As mentioned, it’s a bit convoluted, but if you have the desire come along for the walk…

I delay complex or important work

I’ve got no shortage of big ideas. Vision isn’t the problem. I can see the potential for the app I’m building, the stories I want to write, the ways I could genuinely help others. But more often than not, they stall out before they become real. And I’ve been reflecting on why that is.

I don’t think it’s laziness. I don’t think it’s lack of capability.
I think it’s perfectionism, or what I’ve always called perfectionism, but I am beginning to think it is something deeper seated.

I put my focus into the work that I can excel at

What I’ve come to realise is that I tend to lean into the work I’m good at. I polish. I refine. I research. I create well-structured documents and elegant frameworks. It feels productive, and technically, it is.

But is it progress? Not really.

Not when the work I’m avoiding — the messy, public, vulnerable kind — is the stuff that would actually move things forward.

I am concerned about others perception of me

If I put out the messy work where it can be seen, what will people think of that?

Will it align with the image that people have of me, and if it doesn’t, does that mean they will think less of me? Will I no longer be viewed as capable?

I know this isn’t rationale, for something that is small, it is a thought or a position that I take, it shouldn’t mean someone drastically changes how they think of me. And even if they did, if they don’t give me this grace, it shouldn’t truly impact me. However, I’m still left worried that if I don’t get it right, if I don’t maintain high standards, this impact my social capital. All of these things should not be a concern, yet that doesn’t stop them from being so.

Perhaps it’s my perception of me that I’m worried about…

On a run jus yesterday day, I finally put some pieces together while reflecting on my concern of other’s perception: it’s not just that I’m afraid people will judge my work. I’m afraid that changes in their perception of me might start to change my perception of me.

I’ve spent my life being seen as “smart.” I apologise if that sounds arrogant, there aren’t many things that I would say I am good at, but being academically clever is something I have found easy and have had that image reinforced by some people around me. That image is therefore is stitched into my identity. It’s how I’ve been described, validated, known. And when I release something into the world — whether it’s a blog, a new tool, or even just an idea — I’m not just testing the work. I’m testing that identity as seen by others. But also perhaps, this testing is also a mirror which may hit my own self image and tear down what I believe myself to be.

What if it’s not as clever as I thought? What if it falls flat?
What if they see it and change their perception… and I stop seeing myself the same way?

That’s the real fear. Not just being judged — but allowing that judgement to change my own self image.

When quitting is the easier option

I have many times in life quit on a goal rather than putting the work in to achieve it. I have often brushed over it, say, oh it isn’t important, there is other stuff to do, there will always be another time. I am beginning however to think that this is the easier option, if I quit and make an excuse early on that doesn’t challenge my self image; instead that goal just wasn’t important enough. The alternative being putting the effort in, persevering and potentially failing, not being able to reach this image I have of myself as someone who can be successful. It reminds me of a skit from one of my favourite comics Dylan Moran, if you haven’t watched him, check it out, he is brilliant. Watch the skit here on YouTube.

You should stay away from your potential, I mean that is something you should leave absolutely alone, don’t, you’ll mess it up, it’s potential, leave it! It’s like your bank balance you always have a lot less than you think.

Dylan Moran – Monster

While this is obviously satire; I find myself now thinking that it perhaps hits too close to home. Is quitting early and using throw away excuses my way of staying away from my potential for fear of seeing my bank balance is empty? Have I been the ostrich, putting my head in the sand rather than facing the possible outcome of failure and the resulting downgrade of what is perhaps an undeserved self-inflated ego?

I don’t seek support when I should

This is where trust comes in. Not just trust in others — but trust that others will give me grace. That they won’t define me by a single post, or a clunky prototype, or a sentence that didn’t quite land.

The irony is that I know — deeply — that sharing work earlier and more often improves it. That momentum comes from collaboration, iteration, feedback. But still, part of me resists.

Because trusting people with an imperfect version of something that matters to me means trusting they won’t use it to rewrite the story I tell myself about who I am.

Confrontation time

What I’m learning (and resisting) is that my work doesn’t need to be perfect to be good. It doesn’t need to be celebrated to be worth doing. And if someone doesn’t resonate with it — that’s not a verdict on me.

Trusting others with early, unfinished work might not feel safe — but it might be necessary to do my best work.
Especially if I want to move from dreaming big to actually doing big.

So what should I do about this?

As part of this challenge, my mentor for the project introduced me to Amazon’s Working Backwards method — where you start with a press release and a FAQ before you build the thing. It’s meant to clarify the problem, the audience, the impact. It’s simple yet impactful approach, that I can see huge value in due to the complexity of the project I’m doing.

And I haven’t done it.

Because a press release feels… definitive. Public. Vulnerable. It feels like something that could be judged. And so the cycle continues: polish the background work, delay the delivery.

What now then?

Well, this blog is the first step. Raw, reflective, imperfect. If nothing else, it is me trying to prove to myself I can ship something that leaves me vulnerable, and can form part of an experiment to see if my self-image remains.
And the next step? I’m going to write the press release.
Even if it’s not perfect. Even if it makes me nervous.
Because done — even flawed — is better than dropped, and perhaps I need to trust others to help me.


I don’t believe I’d be the only one with this kind of thinking pattern – if any part of this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Is there something you’ve delayed putting into the world because it wasn’t “ready”? What held you back… and what finally got you to send it (if you did)? I’d really appreciate hearing how others navigate this space.

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